Hello!
Despite a couple of set-backs, I made it to my appointment yesterday. Overall the appointment went well. It will be a very slow and long process to regain the ability to walk independently again. This long update goes into detail about these things as well as how I used some funds from this campaign to cover a couple of unexpected expenses in addition to paying for my first appointment. Thank you for your help, support, and concern! I am grateful to you for helping me get here.
Further detail on updates mentioned in first paragraph (no need to read it unless you really want to…):
First appointment:
The people at the center were very nice and accommodating. I was so pleased that they had private therapy rooms because the type of therapy they provide deals with only the pelvic region, which consist of all of the more intimate parts of the body.
The therapist, Kristin, took the time to ask lots of questions. I could tell by her focus and responses that she was actually listening, which is something I haven’t experienced from a medical professional in a very long time.
Emotional Release
It was a very intensely emotional experience to finally feel safe and cared for enough to be honest with her and with myself. I found myself saying “I feel desperate for help” several times. I know this probably sounds weird, but my heart broke for myself. I am not sure if other are able to “see” themselves from multiple angles, but I have the privilege of hosting a therapist version of myself (modeled after interactions with several great therapists) to help me heal, and that’s the version of me whose heart broke when she heard my words and witnessed my tears. I feel very grateful to have had enough positively transformational experiences with therapists over the past 15ish years to be able to create a version of myself in this way.
As part of the process of telling my story to Kristin, I had to come to terms with the fact that my whole life has essentially been “on hold” for several months now. I appreciate my brain waiting until I had hope to force my hand in admitting this truth about my experiences for all of 2023 so far. While I have gratitude for my brain protecting me, I was completely exhausted physically and emotionally after the appointment. I accidentally fell asleep for a few hours when I got home, which is part of the reason why I didn’t update you guys right after the appointment.
Prognosis:
After an examination of the coccyx area, my therapist concluded that my spine has healed crookedly. There is a significant curve to the left, which is consistent with my experience of pain, the angle at which I landed on the steps, (initial impact on right side would push my spine to the left) and what I saw on both X-rays. Neither of the previous doctors would even talk to me about having a curved spine or tilted pelvis, so it’s interesting that a different type of medical professional was able to “see” the curve without an X-ray…
Hope:
The PT does feel comfortable treating the issue using specialized therapeutic processes. She believes it will be safe to proceed without another round of imaging. She believes my spine has had enough time to fully heal the actual fracture, especially since I have been using crutches/walker to minimize weight-bearing movement. (Tbh I don’t think I had much of an option - the pain of walking without using them has been almost unbearable). Now I have hope of resuming a completely ambulatory and independent lifestyle within the next few months.
Soap Box:
I hate to think about what would have happened if I didn’t have the knowledge or resources to treat the injury seriously…I feel for all of the new moms who have to care for their newborns while the being minimized by the health care system regarding the experience of severe coccyx pain like this. While the type of fracture I have managed to give myself is rare, coccyx injuries are relatively common for women who choose to deliver their children through vaginal/natural birth. It is surprisingly easy for women to injure their coccyx during childbirth or during their pregnancy due to the forced pressure and weight constantly bearing down on the coccyx area. I have been astounded to discover how LITTLE we have focused on trying to prevent and treat this injury and how the shift of interest has plummeted since 2019…it is truly unbelievable to consider how little our society cares about mothers. Assuming that most of us arrive on the planet by sliding through a vaginal canal to get here…wtf? It’s time for women to seize the health care industry…
Pacing of treatment:
She only performed minimal exercises with me, and she talked to me about how we have to approach the treatment of this area gently and slowly. As a result, I’m only allowed to do minimal exercises every other day. She said that it is essential for us to learn how my body responds to the treatment and whether or not it will let my muscles go into recovery in between the exercises. (If I go too fast and cause too much pain, my body will not be in a state of repair/healing, it will only be in a state of alarm trying to protect me from future pain). I’m paraphrasing here, but she essentially told me that we have to convince my body and my brain that I can be trusted to keep my coccyx area safe, which makes sense with everything I know about how the brain handles trauma and pain. I basically have to get my body out of a state of emergency and back into a state of healing. Even if she went in and forced my spine to be straight, my body wouldn’t support it because my muscles will be working overtime to “fix and protect” the injury - especially since I never completely healed from the first one. My body literally does not trust me. And after a lifetime of ignoring it, I don’t blame it.
Area of focus: TMI warning
The other big focus was on normalizing bowel function. Both of these injuries have severely slowed down the functioning of my intestines. The swelling of the coccyx area also obstructs the path of bowel release. I had never thought about the movement of my bowels having a significant impact on the amount of pain I experience before Kristin talked to me about yesterday. So she gave me exercises to encourage my intestines to work properly. Those are the most important exercises I can do. I’m looking forward to this intervention being effective.
Scheduling:
They are booked up until April 3, hopefully there will be an opening next week, but if there isn’t one it’s ok, because I was able to book weekly through May. The good faith estimate is for at least 10 sessions, so this will be a very long, slow process. I’m grateful to have this clinic so close to my house and to have the support you have given me.
Unexpected expenses:
I couldn’t get my insurance to cover the lidocaine patches, so I used some of the Go Fund Me money to cover the cost of them.
I also had to purchase some compression gloves and supports for my hands and wrists. Last week I woke up with my left hand feeling completely stiff and in pain and both of my wrists hurting pretty severely. After some research I learned that prolonged use of assistive devices does eventually become too strenuous on hands and wrists. At this point the pain from the coccyx injury is more severe and intrusive than the pain in my wrists and hands. So I have been working through and treating the pain in my hands and fingers in addition to the coccyx pain. I don’t know when I will be released to move without the use of crutches/a walker. I guess it depends on how my body responds to the treatment. I’m still in a lot of pain from the gentle things she did yesterday, and I’m trying not to be discouraged. I refuse to gaslight myself with false positivity by saying I feel good, at the same time I am trying to balance an energetic state of hope with the present experience of pain. Quite a doozy. Our brains are so wonderfully complicated. Never a dull moment…
Thank you for taking the time to read this and for your support!
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